Brad & Lisa/transcript


 * [movie starts with the 2010 20th Century Fox logo]


 * [camera cuts to the Simpsons house, then to Lisa's bedroom, with Lisa reading a book]


 * Lisa Simpson: Hmm... [she immediately stops reading as she looks at the audience; to the viewers] Oh, hi, everybody! Remember our first movie from 2007? Yeah, it was a critical and commercial success, but, [slams the book closed] this time, ladies and gentlemen, is another Simpsons movie. Yes, y'all heard me. [puts the book on her lap] 40 hours ago, I have been transported to the real world, somewhere in Springfield, Missouri, and I have met Brad Pitt, the world's most powerful actor of all-time. You all ready for the story? Cue the music! [she claps and the theme from The Simpsons starts playing in the background] Let's go! [she continues reading]


 * [the titles read "20th Century Fox Presents," "A 20th Century Fox Animation Production," and "in association with Gracie Films"]


 * Homer Simpson: [calling out] Alright, Lisa, stay inside! We're going on a vacation! Be good, okay?


 * Lisa Simpson: Okay, guys! I'll miss you all soon!


 * Homer Simpson: Marge, did you get the towels?


 * Marge Simpson: Yes.


 * Homer Simpson: The sunscreen?


 * Marge Simpson: Yes.


 * Homer: The rest of the vacation stuff?


 * Marge Simpson: [sighs] Again, yes.


 * Homer Simpson: [calling out again] Okay, Lisa! We're leaving! We'll be right back!


 * Lisa Simpson: Okay, I know! I'll be good!


 * Homer Simpson: Okay! See you in 40 hours! [the family, except Lisa, leaves the house and they close the door; Lisa comes downstairs, looks out the window and sees her family in the car and are ready to go on a vacation; camera cuts to Homer and Marge]


 * Marge Simpson: You know vacations are holidays.


 * Homer Simpson: Oh, I know they are.


 * Marge Simpson: Um, aren't you gonna work at the power plant?


 * Homer Simpson: Relax. Hopefully Mr. Burns would like that. [camera cuts to Mr. Burns's office in the power plant; he is waiting for Homer to work at the plant]


 * Smithers: [to Mr. Burns] Are you sure Homer will be there?


 * Mr. Burns: Oh, come on, Smithers. You think Homer is just as lazy as fat people are and is waiting for himself to work at this plant? Pfft. That's all I need to ask.


 * Smithers: [thinking] I'll just pretend this thing is trying to come between me and Mr. Burns. [camera cuts back to Homer and Marge; Ned appears outside of the Flanders house; to Homer]


 * Ned Flanders: Well, hi-diddly-ho, neighborino!


 * Homer Simpson: [talking to himself, whispering] Stupid Flanders. [to Ned; sarcastically] Well, hey, Ned. We're going on a vacation. My daughter's staying in our house. She's gonna do a lot of things in there. I bought her a to-do list to see if she wants some tasks to do. Wouldn't [points] you go on a vacation?


 * Ned Flanders: Well, I'd love to, but... [short pause] No.


 * Homer Simpson: Why not?


 * Ned Flanders: I've got lots of work to do at my house, like trimming our bushes, praying to my now-deceased wife, and everything.


 * Homer Simpson: Oh, okay. Well, see you in also 40 hours!


 * Bart Simpson: More like "see you in 40 days"! [laughs]


 * Marge Simpson: [angrily] Bart! [camera cuts back to Lisa still looking out the window; the family then drives off]


 * Lisa Simpson: It's a good thing I'm the only one in this house. [sighs] Oh, well, I guess it's time to do something else, but, hey, I have my to do list. [scene cuts to Lisa's room, with Lisa entering her room] There you are. [she picks up her to do list and becomes shocked after she notices she has a lot of tasks to do on her list] Ay, caramba! I didn't know I had so many of these to do! "Turn on music." Hmm. [she comes back downstairs and sees a radio station on a table] A-ha! [she walks up to the radio] Music, Mr. Radio. [she turns it on and Take Me Home starts playing] That's one.


 * Lisa Simpson: Do you remember David Hasselhoff?


 * Brad Pitt: [confused] Who?


 * Lisa Simpson: David Hasselhoff. He was the greatest actor in the whole wide world, just like you. He also became a businessman and a singer.


 * Brad Pitt: Yeah, I knew that, and his nickname was "The Hoff".


 * Lisa Simpson: [gasps] Wow! I didn't know he had that nickname.


 * Brad Pitt: I didn't either.


 * Dexter Heinrich: Listen. Springfield is your city, your heart, your soul. You gotta remember the way you feel about living in this city. Okay?


 * Brad Pitt: Actually, Dexter, that's all I remember. And I have no choice but to... [Lisa starts playing her saxophone; they both see Lisa playing it and they gasp in amazement]


 * Dexter Heinrich: Dude, I've never seen that girl play that, uh... [to Brad] What is it?


 * Brad Pitt: [under his breath; to Dexter] That's a saxophone. [to Lisa] Hey, [Lisa stops playing her saxophone and looks at Brad as he starts talking to her] where in the blue blazes did you get that?


 * Lisa Simpson: Oh, this? Yeah, this is a saxophone. I play it all the time. [flashback to a young Lisa in the episode from Season 9, Lisa's Sax] Ever since I was young, I have bought this for a very long time... [a young Lisa plays her saxophone] and I started playing it... [flashback to Lisa jamming with her jazzman, Bleeding Gums Murphy, in the episode from Season 6,  'Round Springfield] and I was an incredible saxophone player... [flashback ends] and that music... [sighs; dreamily] It makes me fall in love with it. I wish I would've had a jazzman. [Brad and Dexter look at each other, confused]


 * Dexter Heinrich: Okay, okay, [walks over to Lisa] let me examine you for a bit. [starts examining Lisa] Hmm... Smooth, sleek saxophone... [he rubs Lisa's hair] Blonde, spiky starfish hair... [Lisa hands Brad her saxophone when Dexter starts to examine her dress] Short red dress. [he lifts her dress up and, under her dress, her underwear is revealed for a second; examines her shoes] Matching red shoes... [to Brad] Brad, who's this little devil?


 * Brad Pitt: That, my friend, is Lisa Simpson. She came from The Simpsons universe, and now she's in our world, still looking good.


 * Lisa Simpson: Yep, he's right. [points to herself with her thumb] That's me!


 * Lisa Simpson: Well... toodle-oo! [she giggles as they both walk off]


 * Brad Pitt: Hey, don't be so silly!


 * Dexter Heinrich: Oh, why do I even bother meeting those two? [You Will Know begins playing, which is the ringtone of his phone, which is an iPhone 3GS; takes his phone out of his pocket] Oh. [he answers it] Hello? Dexter's listening.


 * [camera changes to Brad and Lisa singing along with Kesha's Tik Tok on the radio while Brad is driving]


 * Lisa Simpson: ♪Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up♪


 * Brad Pitt: ♪Tonight, I'ma fight, till we see the sunlight♪


 * Brad Pitt and Lisa Simpson: ♪TiK ToK, on the clock, but the party don't stop, no. Woah-oh oh oh, woah-oh oh oh. Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up, tonight, I'ma fight, till we see the sunlight, TiK ToK, on the clock, but the party don't stop, no. Woah-oh oh oh, woah-oh oh oh.♪ [song ends]


 * Lisa Simpson: [sighs] That was magnificent, wasn't it, Brad?


 * Brad Pitt: Yeah, it sure was. Hey, we should write down our #1 thing: sing along while listening to a song on the radio. How does that sound?


 * Lisa Simpson: Um, I'm not going to lie... but that sounds amazing.


 * Brad Pitt: [sighs]


 * Lisa Simpson: Brad, I, um... I don't think this is supposed to work.


 * Brad Pitt: [shushes Lisa] He knew us when we first met him, and he'll let us in. Trust me. But don't count on it. [knocks on Dexter's door] I always knock, right? [Lisa shrugs]


 * Dexter Heinrich: [his voice is muffled because of his closed door] Who is it?


 * Brad Pitt: It's us. Brad and Lisa. You know, the two who met you a couple minutes ago. [Dexter opens his door to see Brad and Lisa]


 * Dexter Heinrich: Ah, it's you two again.


 * Lisa Simpson: Afternoon, Dexter. Mind if we shortly hang out at your place?


 * Dexter Heinrich: [thinking] Ooh, those nitwits won't stand a chance. But, who hangs out at my place? Hopefully they'll meet their fate for a couple of days. [speaking] Of course. Hanging out is great. So, come in. [Brad and Lisa give each other a thumbs up]


 * Lisa Simpson: [her stomach growls] Uh-oh. My stomach didn't agree with that sandwich I ate 30 minutes ago, and I feel like I'm gonna throw up. [runs to the bathroom]


 * Brad Pitt: Wait, what? Lisa! Where are you going? [Lisa shuts the bathroom door closed; Brad and Dexter give each other confused expressions on their faces; camera changes to Lisa in the bathroom, groaning from the sickness in her stomach with her head over the open toilet]


 * Lisa Simpson: [her skin is pale] Oh, why did I ever eat that sandwich? [she throws up in the toilet; Brad opens the bathroom door]


 * Brad Pitt: Lisa? You okay?


 * Lisa Simpson: [moans] No, I feel sick. [moans] That sandwich didn't agree with my tummy. [she throws up again; Dexter enters the scene]


 * Dexter Heinrich: What happened to her?


 * Brad Pitt: She feels nauseous.


 * Dexter Heinrich: But, th-that doesn't make any sense. Why would a sandwich nauseate a little girl?


 * Brad Pitt: I'm sorry, but that's never happened to her.


 * Ned Flanders: [on the roof of the Simpsons house] Hi-diddly-ho, Lisa!


 * Lisa Simpson: [looks up to see Ned on the roof of the Simpsons house] Ned? What are you doing on our roof?


 * Ned Flanders: I'm, uh, spying on your family to see if they come back. You know, they went on a vacation. But, they'll be home soon. [notices the Simpsons family is already here; gasps] Oh, no! They're already here! You better go, quickly!


 * Lisa Simpson: Okay, see you, Ned! [runs inside]


 * Ned Flanders: Bye, Lisa! [tries to get off the roof, but falls off] Whoa! [he falls to the ground, but he is not injured] Oh, well, at least my bones are still intact. [Santa's Little Helper comes over to Ned and barks at him]


 * [the credits start rolling as I've Always Got You, The Way You Say and Jazzman begin playing; after the credits roll, a post-credits scene appears, where the camera cuts to the Simpsons house, then to Lisa's bedroom, with Lisa laying down on her bed; Homer passes her room, then steps back to see Lisa]


 * Homer Simpson: Lisa? Sweetie? Are you doing okay?


 * Lisa Simpson: Yeah, Dad. I'm doing okay.


 * Homer Simpson: Okay. [he leaves to go downstairs]


 * Lisa Simpson: Dad, wait! [Homer stops]


 * Homer Simpson: D'oh! [comes back to Lisa's room] What is it, honey?


 * Lisa Simpson: All I wanted to tell you is that I have been in the real world, where I met an extremely famous actor of the U.S.A., Brad Pitt. [Homer looks horrified; gasps]


 * Homer Simpson: Brad Pitt?!


 * Lisa Simpson: Yes.


 * Homer Simpson: [screams, then runs out of Lisa's room; Lisa has a confused look on her face] Oh, God! Oh, God! I have to tell Marge about this!


 * Lisa Simpson: [using Mr. Burns's catchphrase] Excellent. [camera fades out to black]