WarioWare: Band Together (2031 film)/Transcript

Chapter 1: Give It Up for JoeZone!
SONY

COLUMBIA PICTURES

SONY PICTURES ANIMATION

NINTENDO

Back in the day…

Producer #1: One minute to showtime!

Audience: JoeZone! JoeZone! JoeZone! JoeZone! JoeZone! We love you, JoeZone!

Jonathan: Alright, guys, we’re gonna open with "Girl, Baby, Baby" and close with "Baby, Baby, Girl". Wait, no, that doesn’t sound right. Ooh, I got it! Open with "Baby, Baby, Girl" and close with "Baby, Baby, Girl, Woman". Yes! (laughs) We are going to make band history tonight.

Bruce: 510, 511, 512.

Jonathan: Love it, brother! I want to see a hundred more of those by showtime, Bruce. Those abs need to be popping, baby!

Bruce: Oh, come on!

Jonathan: God, I want to boil an egg on those abs.

Ray: Hey, John, do I really have to keep wearing these things?

Jonathan: Yes, you do, Ray. They’re funderdrawers. It’s underwear but 76% more fun. Now let’s see those dance moves, brother!

Ray: Fine. Rusty Robot, into Wiggle Worm, end on Caliente Puppet. Yeah.

Floyd: Bro, you look stressed. Breathe.

Jonathan: Well, of course I’m stressed, Floyd. It’s the first show of the tour! We have to hit that perfect family harmony! We promised the fans!

Floyd: Okay, calm down! You’re making Baby Mona nervous.

Audience: JoeZone! JoeZone!

Jonathan: What? Nervous? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. She’s not allowed to be nervous, she’s gotta be perfect!

Floyd: Cut her some slack, John. It’s her first show.

Bruce: Oh, come on, abs!

Floyd: Hey, Mona. How are you feeling?

Baby Mona: I feel like I’m gonna barf and pass out…

Floyd: And pee your pants all at once?

Baby Mona: How’d you know?

Floyd: Ah, you got the preshow jitters. Completely normal. Everyone gets them. You want to know what I do when I get them.

Baby Mona: Barf, pass out, and pee your pants?

Floyd: I remember that I’m with my siblings and that when we come together, there is nothing that we can’t do.

Baby Mona: But no one’s ever hit the perfect family harmony before. Is it true I can shatter diamonds?

Floyd: Yeah, it’s that powerful.

Jonathan: Alright, guys, just remember. No matter what you do, follow my lead.

Floyd: Maybe let’s just go out there and have fun together.

Ray: It’s just… so much pressure.

Producer #1: Ten seconds!

Bruce: And what happens if we can’t hit it?

Jonathan: Oh, that’s not an option. If we can’t hit the perfect family harmony, we’re not perfect. And if we’re not perfect, we’re nothing! Just follow my lead and the harmony will happen.

Baby Mona: (puts her glasses on)

Jonathan: Let’s joe!

Announcer: Ladies and gentlemen, here they are, the Heartthrob.

Bruce - THE HEARTTHROB

Announcer: The Fun Boy!

Ray - THE FUN BOY

Announcer: The Sensitive One.

Floyd - THE SENSITIVE ONE

Announcer: The Leader!

Jonathan - THE LEADER

Announcer: And the baby!

Mini M - THE BABY

Announcer: Give it up for JoeZone!

(audience cheers)

All: Well, there she goes.

Bruce: On the floor, let’s do this, no more talking. (shows off his abs)

(the abs are so hot that three of them pass out in gorgeousness)

All: Did anybody notice?!

Floyd: The energy just shifted when we dropped in. Oh, lemme drop in.

Ray: I don’t flex but I might. Groove about to take flight.

Jonathan: Cause the night is young and the music’s on, and we got love on the sight.

Baby Mona: And the sky was the limit. Now the stars where we living. It’s the vibe when we’re in it, it’ll blow your mind.

All: It’s so perfect, perfect, perfect! 100 percent! Put us together, you know what you get. It’s so perfect, perfect, perfect!

Jonathan: Okay, great, it’s working, yes! Come on, guys.

All: Harmony so cold. And you’ll never ever wanna let it…

Ray: What’s he doing? This isn’t my choreo!

All: Goooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo… (struggle to hold each other) (topple over)

Floyd: (grabs onto the vine)

(the vine tangles onto Bruce, then to Jonathan, then finally to Ray tying all of themselves in a knot, except Mona.)

Song: (distorted notes and singing)

One Fan: (jaw drop)

Producer #2: Uh, ladies and gentlemen, please stand by. We are experiencing, ehh, some stuff.

Jonathan: Hey, at least we didn’t fall.

Vine: (breaks and untangles)

(lights go on the embarrassed JoeZone singers)

Jonathan: We fell.

Later…

Jonathan: See what happens when you don’t follow my lead?!

Bruce: Dude, that is exactly what happens when we follow your lead!

Jonathan: Oh, so it’s my fault. Is that what you’re saying? I know we can reach the perfect family harmony.

Bruce: What if we don’t want to?!

Ray: Yeah, dude, this used to be fun! Now it’s all about being perfect!

Bruce: You know what?! I’m done playing the heartthrob! My exquisitely chiseled rock-hard abs and I quit. (rips his jacket off)

Ray: I quit, too, and you can keep these. (throws the funderdrawers to Jonathan) I’m more than just the fun boy. I’m in a sad book club. Did you know that?! A sad book club! I’m going to find someone who takes me seriously.

Jonathan: Fine! I don’t need this, I’m out, I’m done, I’m sorry, I’m gonna go hike the Diamond City Trail by myself, joelone. (grapple handles a tree) Yeah, that’s right, joe-joe going solo! Yolo. Goodbye forever!

Ray: Fine, I’m out of here.

Bruce: Same here.

Floyd: Guys, please, come on! (sighs)

Baby Mona: It’s my fault. I ruined everything.

Floyd: No, no, no, Mona, this is not your fault. We’re not in sync. We’ve gone from boys to men and now there’s only one direction for us to go, the backstreets!

Baby Mona: But not you, Floyd. You’re not leaving too?

Floyd: Not forever. I’ll be back. I promise. But right now, I have to follow my heart. It’s telling me it’s time to start a solo career.

Baby Mona: But what am I gonna do?

Floyd: Mona, you’re going to do the most important thing of all. You’re gonna… take care of Grandma.

Mona’s Grandma: Aw, come on, Mona. Let’s play some rummy. But I won’t let you win. Because I play for the money.

Floyd: You might have to let her win. Occasionally.

Baby Mona: (nods)

Floyd: And when you miss me, you can wear this. (gives her his coat) It’ll be like I’m right here with you.

Baby Mona: And when you come back, we’ll make our hideout.

Floyd: Definitely. Whoa, is that a ten-story waterslide?

Baby Mona: Yeah, that’s how we shower.

Floyd: Well, we better keep this in a safe place.

Both: (hug)

(wholesome music plays)

Floyd: I’ll see you soon, Baby Mona. (leaves)

Baby Mona: Bye. See you later. 🥺

Chapter 2: The Royal Wedding
PRESENT DAY

(Mona listening to her band’s last performance on her record player)

Ray: About to take flight.

Jonathan: Cause the night is young and the music’s on, and we got love on the sight.

Baby Mona: And the sky was the limit. Now the stars where we living. It’s the vibe when we’re in it, it’ll blow your mind.

Wario: (comes in)

All: It’s so perfect, perfect, perfect! 100 percent! Put us together, you know what you get.

Wario: Mona.

Mona: Wha?! Oh. (turns off record player) Hey.

Wario: Are you alright? You’re smiling and crying at the same time that it kind of looks like it’s hurting your face.

Mona: It does hurt my face. (sighs) I guess I’m just missing my… grandma. I was just listening to some of her old records.

Wario: (gasps) JoeZone?! No way, Penny loves JoeZone!

Mona: Really? I mean, uh, really?

Wario: I didn’t know you liked them, too.

Mona: I don’t! I’m actually hate-listening. It’s a new thing. My grandma had very questionable taste. I mean, just look at how she decorated this place. I’m sorry but there are some things that just shouldn’t be macraméd. Am I right?

Wario: Uh, kind of seems like there’s something you’re not telling me.

Mona: What? Don’t be silly, no!

Wario: Hey, I need you to be real with me. It seems like more than a macramé issue. (chuckles) If you’re having feelings, you can talk about them with me.

Mona: Okay, you’re right. Oh, man, look at the time! We’re gonna be late to the royal wedding. Let’s go get married.

Wario: Mona!

Mona: What? Uh, I mean… let’s get Cicada and Cricket married.

Wario: Yeah, oh, because it would be weird if we got married.

Mona: Yeah. So weird. Duh.

Wario: Wow. The weirdest. It’s like weird that we’re still talking about how weird it was.

Mona: Yeah. Bleh!

Wario: Bleh!

Both: (make disgust noises before heading on out)

("Let’s Get Married" playing)

Wario: (drives off on his bike)

Mona: (riding her scooter)

Penny: (using her water shooter invention)

WARIOWARE: BAND TOGETHER

Mona & Penny: Keep it coming, love. Keep it coming, love. Don’t stop it now, don’t stop it no. Don’t stop it now, don’t stop. Keep it coming, love. Keep it coming, love. Don’t stop it now, don’t stop it no. Don’t stop it now, don’t stop.

Mona: Everyone can see we’re together as we walk on by!

Penny: And we fly just like birds of a feather, I won’t tell no lie!

Mona: All of the people around us, they say.

Both: Can they be that close?

Mona: Just let me state for the record…

Both: We’re giving love in a family dose!

Song: Push it real good…

Cricket: Oh, boy, that was a crazy bachelor party.

Alien Bunny: Ugh, Alien Bunny don’t feel so good.

Song: Brush it. Brush it. Wax it. Wax it. Shave it. Shave it. Push, push it real good!

Mantis: Man, you looking sick, Cricket!

Alien Bunny: You can say that again. (pukes rainbow as the changes to Penny and Cicada)

Cicada: I do my hair toss, check my nails.

Penny: Baby, how you feeling?

Song: Feeling good as…

Cicada: I do my hair toss, check my nails.

Penny: Baby, how you feeling?!

Cicada: Feeling good as… Hello! It’s me he’s looking for.

Penny: Yeah, it is!

Cicada: I can see it in his eyes.

Penny: Now let’s get this dress right. Uh, no. Uh-uh, no, next. (sees the wedding preparing) (gasps) Kat! Ana!

Kat: Fashion!

Ana: Emergency!

(scene changes to 9-Volt and Fronk)

9-Volt: Look at you, Fronk. You make the cutest little flower boy.

Fronk: Ugh, come on, 9-Volt. I’m not a baby anymore! I’m the cutest little flower man!

9-Volt: But Fronk, you’re only 2

years old.

Fronk: Then I’m… everybody treats me like I’m just a little baby! But I’m walking and I’m talking on the daily! I’m rolling dice, drinking coffee, getting wild! 9-Volt, I’m a man now, not a little child!

Penny: Come on, guys, it’s time!

Fronk: Ooh, balloons!

Song: We are family! I got all my sisters with me! We are family! Get up everybody and sing!

Mantis: Get up, get up, get up!

Song: We are family! I got all my sisters with me! Feeling good as hell! We are family! Get up everybody and sing!

Cicada: Sing it to me, sing it to me, sing it to me! (shows up with a puffy dress)

(song stops)

Cricket: Oh. 🥰

Cicada: (grins)

Penny: Cicada!

Cicada: Penny!

Penny: You look so beautiful!

Cicada: Thank you so much for being my maid of honor. I couldn’t have done this without you.

Penny: Oh, of course, Cicada. I love you like a sister, probably. I don’t have a sister, so I wouldn’t know, which is fine. It’s something I’m coming to terms with slowly.

Cicada: Uh, Penny, can we maybe unpack the sister thing after the vows?

Penny: Okay, no, of course. You go get them, girl. Before I do! (releasing the glitter balls from her dress)

Cricket: 🥰 Like a beautiful angel sent from heaven. (sniffs)

(romantic music plays)

Cicada: (rolling down the carpet with her roller skates) (going up the stairs carefully)

Cricket: (grabs her hand romantically)

Aunt Jane: Hey, Cicada, you still have time to run for it!

Cricket: Haha. Very funny, Aunt Jane. I’m, uh, so glad you could make it.

Miss Maxine: Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to celebrate the sweet, sweet love of Cicada, hey, girl, and Mr. Karate Man himself, Young Cricket. Now falling in love is easy. We’ve all done it. I’ve done it a hundred times, thousands even, if you count that semester I spent abroad.

Jonathan: Stop the wedding!

All: (gasp)

Cricket: Uh, Cicada, do you know this guy?

Cicada: I can’t remember all my suitors, Cricket.

Jonathan: (comes down) (he takes his goggles to his forehead which makes Mona recognize him) Sorry, is this bad timing?

Mona: 😧

Jonathan: I’m just trying to find someone named… Whoo! Baby Mona!

Mona: Uh, you’re making a mistake, stranger that looks similar to me. There’s no Mona here!

Jonathan: Look at you, you got so big. You’re not a Mona anymore, you’re more like a trunk! Junk in the trunk. (slaps her butt)

Mona: Ow!

Jonathan: (chuckles) I bet I can still pick you up. Come on. Ooh, you got heavy. Oh, there goes my back! Oh, charley horse! Oh! Two charley horses!

Penny: Hey, you stop right there! You put my friend down and tell us who you are and what you want!

Mona: Ow!

Jonathan: Oh, man. You’re right, totally rude of me, didn’t introduce myself. Ah. I’m Mona’s brother.

Penny: WHAT!?!

All: (gasp)

Fronk: Ooh, drama! Corn me, Red.

Red: Okay. (gives Fronk some Fronk-sized popcorn)

Fronk: (eating his popcorn)

Mona: Correction. Used to be my brother. Not anymore.