Brad & Lisa/transcript


 * [movie starts with the 2010 20th Century Fox logo]


 * [camera cuts to the Simpsons house, then to Lisa's bedroom, with Lisa reading a book while sitting on her bed]


 * Lisa Simpson: Hmm... [she immediately stops reading as she looks at the audience. To the viewers] Oh, hi, everybody! Remember our first movie from 2007? Yeah, it was a critical and commercial success, but, [slams the book closed] this time, ladies and gentlemen, is another Simpsons movie. Yes, y'all heard me. [puts the book on her lap] 40 hours ago, I have been transported to the real world, somewhere in Springfield, Missouri, and I have met Brad Pitt, the world's most powerful actor of all-time. You all ready for the story? Cue the music! [she claps and the theme from The Simpsons starts playing in the background] Let's go! [she continues reading]


 * [the titles then read "20th Century Fox Presents," "A 20th Century Fox Animation Production," and "in association with Gracie Films"]


 * Homer Simpson: [calling out] Alright, Lisa, stay inside! We're going on a vacation! Be good, okay?


 * Lisa Simpson: Okay, guys! I'll miss you all soon!


 * Homer Simpson: Marge, did you get the towels?


 * Marge Simpson: Yes.


 * Homer Simpson: The sunscreen?


 * Marge Simpson: Yes.


 * Homer: The rest of the vacation stuff?


 * Marge Simpson: [sighs] Again, yes.


 * Homer Simpson: [calling out again] Okay, Lisa! We're leaving! We'll be right back!


 * Lisa Simpson: Okay, I know! I'll be good!


 * Homer Simpson: Okay! See you in 40 hours! [the family, except Lisa, leaves the house and they close the door. Lisa comes downstairs, looks out the window and sees her family in the car and are ready to go on a vacation. cut to Homer and Marge]


 * Marge Simpson: You know vacations are holidays.


 * Homer Simpson: Oh, I know they are.


 * Marge Simpson: Um, aren't you gonna work at the power plant?


 * Homer Simpson: Relax. Hopefully Mr. Burns would like that. [cut to Mr. Burns's office in the power plant. He is waiting for Homer to work at the plant]


 * Smithers: [to Mr. Burns] Are you sure Homer will be there?


 * Mr. Burns: Oh, come on, Smithers. You think Homer is just as lazy as fat people are and is waiting for himself to work at this plant? Pfft. That's all I need to ask.


 * Smithers: [thinking] I'll just pretend this thing is trying to come between me and Mr. Burns. [cut back to Homer and Marge. Ned appears outside of the Flanders house]


 * Ned Flanders: Well, hi-diddly-ho, neighborino!


 * Homer Simpson: [talking to himself, whispering] Stupid Flanders. [to Ned; sarcastically] Well, hey, Ned. We're going on a vacation. My daughter's staying in our house. She's gonna do a lot of things in there. I bought her a to-do list to see if she wants some tasks to do. Wouldn't [points] you go on a vacation?


 * Ned Flanders: Well, I'd love to, but... [short pause] No.


 * Homer Simpson: Why not?


 * Ned Flanders: I've got lots of work to do at my house, like trimming our bushes, praying to my now-deceased wife, and everything.


 * Homer Simpson: Oh, okay. Well, see you in also 40 hours!


 * Bart Simpson: More like "see you in 40 days"! [laughs]


 * Marge Simpson: [angrily] Bart! [cut to Lisa still looking out the window. The family then drives off]


 * Lisa Simpson: It's a good thing I'm the only one in this house. [sighs] Oh, well, I guess it's time to do something else, but, hey, I have my to do list. [cut to Lisa's bedroom, with Lisa entering her room] There you are. [she picks up her to do list and becomes shocked after she notices she has a lot of tasks to do on her list] Ay, caramba! I didn't know I had so many of these to do! "Turn on music." Hmm. [she comes back downstairs and sees a radio station on a table] A-ha! [she walks up to the radio] Music, Mr. Radio. [she turns it on and Take Me Home starts playing] That's one.


 * [all of a sudden, a vortex appears outside, high above the backyard of the Simpsons house. Lisa gasps. Cut to Moe's Tavern, then the interior of it, where Barney, Lenny and Carl are drinking beer. Moe enters the scene]


 * Moe Szyslak: You all want a refill?


 * All (Barney, Lenny and Carl): Yeah! [Barney burps]


 * Moe Szyslak: Gotcha. But, don't mind that, because that won't be worth extra mugs. [Comic Book Guy bursts in]


 * Comic Book Guy: Guys! [they all stare at Comic Book Guy with confused expressions on their faces] I got something bad for you all.


 * Moe Szyslak: A tornado?


 * Carl Carlson: A sinkhole?


 * Lenny Leonard: A pileup?


 * Barney Gumble: A hurricane? [burps]


 * Comic Book Guy: No! It's a vortex!


 * All (Moe, Barney, Lenny and Carl): A vortex?


 * Comic Book Guy: Yes! Come out! You gotta see this! [he, Moe and the barflies come out of the bar to see the vortex]


 * Lenny Leonard: You're right. I knew I should've moved to New York City.


 * Barney Gumble: More beer for me! [they all stare at Barney] What? [burps. Cut back to the backyard of the Simpsons house]


 * Lisa Simpson: Oh, God, stop this crazy thing! [screams, then hangs onto the grass. Santa's Little Helper comes out of the Simpsons house and looks at Lisa] No! Don't leave me here! Don't! [Santa's Little Helper walks back in. The piece of the grass then snaps, sending Lisa into the vortex] Noooooooo! [the vortex closes as it stops]


 * Lisa Simpson: Do you remember David Hasselhoff?


 * Brad Pitt: [confused] Who?


 * Lisa Simpson: David Hasselhoff. He was the greatest actor in the whole wide world, just like you. He also became a businessman and a singer.


 * Brad Pitt: Yeah, I knew that, and his nickname was "The Hoff".


 * Lisa Simpson: [gasps] Wow! I didn't know he had that nickname.


 * Brad Pitt: I didn't either.


 * Dexter Heinrich: Listen. Springfield is your city, your heart, your soul. You gotta remember the way you feel about living in this city. Okay?


 * Brad Pitt: Actually, Dexter, that's all I remember. And I have no choice but to... [Lisa starts playing her saxophone; they both see Lisa playing it and they gasp in amazement]


 * Dexter Heinrich: Dude, I've never seen that girl play that, uh... [to Brad] What is it?


 * Brad Pitt: [under his breath; to Dexter] That's a saxophone. [to Lisa] Hey, [Lisa stops playing her saxophone and looks at Brad as he starts talking to her] where in the blue blazes did you get that?


 * Lisa Simpson: Oh, this? Yeah, this is a saxophone. I play it all the time. [flashback to a young Lisa in the episode from Season 9, Lisa's Sax] Ever since I was young, I have bought this for a very long time... [a young Lisa plays her saxophone] and I started playing it... [flashback to Lisa jamming with her jazzman, Bleeding Gums Murphy, in the episode from Season 6,  'Round Springfield] and I was an incredible saxophone player... [flashback ends] and that music... [sighs; dreamily] It makes me fall in love with it. I wish I would've had a jazzman. [Brad and Dexter look at each other, confused]


 * Dexter Heinrich: Okay, okay, [walks over to Lisa] let me examine you for a bit. [starts examining Lisa] Hmm... Smooth, sleek saxophone... [he rubs Lisa's hair] Blonde, spiky starfish hair... [Lisa hands Brad her saxophone when Dexter starts to examine her dress] Short red dress. [he lifts her dress up and, under her dress, her underwear is revealed for a second. Examines her shoes] Matching red shoes... [to Brad] Brad, who's this little devil?


 * Brad Pitt: That, my friend, is Lisa Simpson. She came from The Simpsons universe, and now she's in our world, still looking good.


 * Lisa Simpson: Yep, he's right. [points to herself with her thumb] That's me!


 * Lisa Simpson: Well... toodle-oo! [she giggles as they both walk off]


 * Brad Pitt: Hey, don't be so silly!


 * Dexter Heinrich: Oh, why do I even bother meeting those two? [You Will Know begins playing, which is the ringtone of his phone, which is an iPhone 3GS. Takes his phone out of his pocket] Oh. [he answers it] Hello? Dexter's listening.


 * [camera changes to Brad and Lisa singing along with Kesha's Tik Tok on the radio while Brad is driving]


 * Lisa Simpson: ♪Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up♪


 * Brad Pitt: ♪Tonight, I'ma fight, till we see the sunlight♪


 * Brad Pitt and Lisa Simpson: ♪TiK ToK, on the clock, but the party don't stop, no. Woah-oh oh oh, woah-oh oh oh. Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up, tonight, I'ma fight, till we see the sunlight, TiK ToK, on the clock, but the party don't stop, no. Woah-oh oh oh, woah-oh oh oh.♪ [song ends]


 * Lisa Simpson: [sighs] That was magnificent, wasn't it, Brad?


 * Brad Pitt: Yeah, it sure was. Hey, we should write down our #1 thing: sing along while listening to a song on the radio. How does that sound?


 * Lisa Simpson: Um, I'm not going to lie... but that sounds amazing.


 * Brad Pitt: [sighs]


 * Lisa Simpson: Brad, I, um... I don't think this is supposed to work.


 * Brad Pitt: [shushes Lisa] He knew us when we first met him, and he'll let us in. Trust me. But don't count on it. [knocks on Dexter's door] I always knock, right? [Lisa shrugs]


 * Dexter Heinrich: [his voice is muffled because of his closed door] Who is it?


 * Brad Pitt: It's us. Brad and Lisa. You know, the two who met you a couple minutes ago. [Dexter opens his door to see Brad and Lisa]


 * Dexter Heinrich: Ah, it's you two again.


 * Lisa Simpson: Afternoon, Dexter. Mind if we shortly hang out at your place?


 * Dexter Heinrich: [thinking] Ooh, those nitwits won't stand a chance. But, who hangs out at my place? Hopefully they'll meet their fate for a couple of days. [speaking] Of course. Hanging out is great. So, come in. [Brad and Lisa give each other a thumbs up]


 * Lisa Simpson: [her stomach growls] Uh-oh. My stomach didn't agree with that sandwich I ate 30 minutes ago, and I feel like I'm gonna throw up. [runs to the bathroom]


 * Brad Pitt: Wait, what? Lisa! Where are you going? [Lisa shuts the bathroom door closed/ Brad and Dexter give each other confused expressions on their faces. Cut to Lisa in the bathroom, groaning from the sickness in her stomach with her head over the open toilet]


 * Lisa Simpson: [her skin is pale] Oh, why did I ever eat that sandwich? [she throws up in the toilet. Brad opens the bathroom door]


 * Brad Pitt: Lisa? You okay?


 * Lisa Simpson: [moans] No, I feel sick. [moans] That sandwich didn't agree with my tummy. [she throws up again. Dexter enters the scene]


 * Dexter Heinrich: What happened to her?


 * Brad Pitt: She feels nauseous.


 * Dexter Heinrich: But, th-that doesn't make any sense. Why would a sandwich nauseate a little girl?


 * Brad Pitt: I'm sorry, but that's never happened to her.


 * Officer Gerald Gatewood: [offscreen] Haven't you forgot about me? [camera shows him as Hail to the Chief starts playing in the background]


 * Dexter Heinrich: Son of a--


 * Brad Pitt and Lisa Simpson: Officer Gerald Gatewood?!


 * Officer Gerald Gatewood: That's right, boys.


 * Lisa Simpson: What are you doing here?


 * Officer Gerald Gatewood: I came here to apprehend someone. Someone vile and unpleasant, and that means [points to Dexter] you! [the crowd gasps, so does Dexter]


 * Lisa Simpson: [using Homer's catchphrase] Woohoo!


 * Dexter Heinrich: [shocked] Me?!


 * Officer Gerald Gatewood: That's right, Dexter. [brandishes his Beretta 92FS Inox at him] You're under arrest.


 * Dexter Heinrich: What the--? How did you know my name?


 * Officer Gerald Gatewood: I don't care if I know your name. You're [yelling angrily] under arrest! So hands up! Now! [Dexter does so. Gerald handcuffs his wrists together]


 * Ned Flanders: [on the roof of the Simpsons house] Hi-diddly-ho, Lisa!


 * Lisa Simpson: [looks up to see Ned on the roof of the Simpsons house] Ned? What are you doing on our roof?


 * Ned Flanders: I'm, uh, spying on your family to see if they come back. You know, they went on a vacation. But, they'll be home soon. [notices the Simpsons family is already here. Gasps] Oh, no! They're already here! You better go, quickly!


 * Lisa Simpson: Okay, see you, Ned! [runs inside]


 * Ned Flanders: Bye, Lisa! [tries to get off the roof, but falls off] Whoa! [he falls to the ground, but he is not injured] Oh, well, at least my bones are still intact. [Santa's Little Helper comes over to Ned and barks at him]


 * [the credits begin rolling as I've Always Got You, The Way You Say and Jazzman play. After the credits roll, a post-credits scene appears, where the camera cuts to the Simpsons house, then to Lisa's bedroom, with Lisa laying down on her bed while reading a book. Homer passes her room, then steps back to see Lisa]


 * Homer Simpson: Lisa? Sweetie? Are you doing okay?


 * Lisa Simpson: Yeah, Dad. I'm doing okay.


 * Homer Simpson: Okay. [he leaves to go downstairs]


 * Lisa Simpson: Dad, wait! [Homer stops]


 * Homer Simpson: D'oh! [comes back to Lisa's room] What is it, honey?


 * Lisa Simpson: All I wanted to tell you is that I have been in the real world, where I met an extremely famous actor of the U.S.A., Brad Pitt. [Homer looks horrified. Gasps]


 * Homer Simpson: Brad Pitt?!


 * Lisa Simpson: Yes.


 * Homer Simpson: [screams, then runs out of Lisa's room. Lisa has a confused look on her face] Oh, God! Oh, God! I have to tell Marge about this!


 * Lisa Simpson: [using Mr. Burns's catchphrase] Excellent. [fade out to black]