Brad & Lisa/transcript


 * [movie starts with the 2010 20th Century Fox logo]


 * [camera cuts to the Simpsons' house, then to Lisa's bedroom with Lisa reading a book]


 * Lisa Simpson: Hmm... [she immediately stops reading as she looks at the audience; to the viewers] Oh, hi, everybody! Remember our first movie from 2007? Yeah, it was a critical and commercial success, but, [slams the book closed] this time, ladies and gentlemen, is another Simpsons movie. Yes, y'all heard me. [puts the book on her lap] 40 hours ago, I have been transported to the real world, somewhere in Springfield, Missouri, and I have met Brad Pitt, the world's most powerful actor of all-time. You all ready for the story? Cue the music! [she claps and the theme from The Simpsons starts playing in the background] Let's go! [she continues reading]


 * [the titles read "20th Century Fox Presents," "A 20th Century Fox Animation Production," and "in association with Gracie Films"]


 * Homer Simpson: [calling out] Alright, Lisa, stay inside! We're going on a vacation! Be good, okay?


 * Lisa Simpson: Okay, guys! I'll miss you all soon!


 * Homer Simpson: Marge, did you get the towels?


 * Marge Simpson: Yes.


 * Homer Simpson: The sunscreen?


 * Marge Simpson: Yes.


 * Homer: The rest of the vacation stuff?


 * Marge Simpson: [sighs] Again, yes.


 * Homer Simpson: [calling out again] Okay, Lisa! We're leaving! We'll be right back!


 * Lisa Simpson: Okay, I know! I'll be good!


 * Homer Simpson: Okay! See you in 40 hours! [the family, except Lisa, leaves the house and they close the door. Lisa comes downstairs, looks out the window and sees her family in the car and are ready to go on a vacation. The camera cuts to Homer and Marge]


 * Marge Simpson: You know vacations are holidays.


 * Homer Simpson: Oh, I know they are.


 * Marge Simpson: Um, aren't you gonna work at the power plant?


 * Homer Simpson: Relax. Hopefully Mr. Burns would like that. [camera cuts to Mr. Burns's office in the power plant. He is waiting for Homer to work at the plant]


 * Smithers: [to Mr. Burns] Are you sure Homer will be there?


 * Mr. Burns: Oh, come on, Smithers. You think Homer is just as lazy as fat people are and is waiting for himself to work at this plant? Pfft. That's all I need to ask.


 * Smithers: [thinking] I'll just pretend this thing is trying to come between me and Mr. Burns.


 * [The camera cuts back to Homer and Marge. Ned appears outside of the Flanders house and talks to Homer]


 * Ned Flanders: Well, hi-diddly-ho, neighborino!


 * Homer Simpson: D'oh! [talking to himself, whispering] Stupid Flanders. [to Ned, sarcastically] Well, hey, Ned. We're going on a vacation. My daughter's staying in our house. She's gonna do a lot of things in there. I bought her a to-do list to see if she wants some tasks to do. Wouldn't [points] you go on a vacation?


 * Ned Flanders: Well, I'd love to, but... [short pause] No.


 * Homer Simpson: Why not?


 * Ned Flanders: I've got lots of work to do at my house, like trimming our bushes, praying to my now-deceased wife, and everything.


 * Homer Simpson: Oh, okay. Well, see you in also 40 hours!


 * Bart Simpson: More like "see you in 40 days"! [laughs]


 * Marge Simpson: [angrily] Bart! [scene cuts back to Lisa still looking out the window. The family then drives off]


 * Lisa Simpson: It's a good thing I'm the only one in this house. [sighs] Oh, well, I guess it's time to do something else, but, hey, I have my to do list. [scene cuts to Lisa's room, with Lisa entering her room] There you are. [she picks up her to do list and becomes shocked after she notices she has a lot of tasks to do on her list] Ay, caramba! I didn't know I had so many of these to do! "Turn on music." Hmm. [she comes back downstairs and sees a radio station on a table] A-ha! [she walks up to the radio] Music, Mr. Radio. [she turns it on and Every Breath You Take starts playing] That's one.


 * Lisa Simpson: [groaning] What happened? Where am I? [she sees herself still in her 2D hand-drawn self] Well, at least I still look good, but... I think I'm in the real world.


 * Lisa Simpson: [she looks at the sun; we see a shot of the sun] Oh, the sun looks much different than in our world. And it's much brighter too. [she looks at the trees; we see a shot of the trees] Trees look different too. [she looks at the grass; the camera pans down to the grass that Lisa's standing on] Even the grass. This is getting weird. [she and Brad look at each other as they both scream and fall backwards and on their butts. They start hyperventilating]


 * Brad Pitt: A-A-Are you an animated character from The Simpsons?


 * Lisa Simpson: Uh... [chuckles nervously] W-Why, yes. [she gets up and clears her throat] What's your name?


 * Brad Pitt: Uh... [he gets up] B-Brad Pitt, the most powerful American actor of all-time.


 * Lisa Simpson: Wow! Brad Pitt, huh? That's cool! I'm Lisa Simpson, the smartest animated 8-year-old girl from The Simpsons.


 * Brad Pitt: Well, what happened to you?


 * Lisa Simpson: Listen, I don't know what happened to me, but I just got transported to... [camera zooms in on Lisa's mouth] ...the real world. [camera zooms back out to her] I mean, come on! Look at me! I'm still in 2D animation! Can you believe it?


 * Brad Pitt: Never expected that.


 * Lisa Simpson: Yeah, me too.


 * Brad Pitt: [short pause] Where do you live in?


 * Lisa Simpson: In Springfield. And where do you live in?


 * Brad Pitt: [quietly] In Springfield, Missouri.


 * Lisa Simpson: In what?


 * Brad Pitt: [loudly] In Springfield, Missouri.


 * Lisa Simpson: Hey! We both have the same name of the city as I live in! [Brad and Lisa start laughing in joy and they hug each other] OK, you can put me down now. [Brad puts her down]


 * Brad Pitt: Oh, what a brilliant idea! Music! [he claps and Down Under begins to play in the background]


 * Lisa Simpson: Umm, is that Australian music?


 * Brad Pitt: Who cares? This song is so heartwarming, you fall in love with it in years.


 * Lisa Simpson: You know what? I like it!


 * Brad Pitt: Y-You do?


 * Lisa Simpson: Of course! This song makes me think of Australia.


 * Brad Pitt: Good. Now let's do this!


 * Lisa Simpson: Yeah! [they both walk off offscreen; camera changes to ten-pin bowling pins positioned in a tetractys]


 * Brad Pitt: Okay, Lisa. Here's your first attempt. See those bowling pins?


 * Lisa Simpson: Uh-huh.


 * Brad Pitt: They are the main target of [shows Lisa a bowling ball] this.


 * Lisa Simpson: What is that?


 * Brad Pitt: That, Lisa, is a bowling ball. It is used to knock down bowling pins, [he points to the bowling pins, which are offscreen] like those there. How's this sound?


 * Lisa Simpson: Ooh, I hear this really sucks. [Down Under stops playing, leaving Brad shocked]


 * Brad Pitt: What? What the hell are you talking about? Bowling doesn't suck!


 * Lisa Simpson: [laughing] I'm just kidding. [Down Under resumes playing]


 * Ryan: Listen, Brad. It is extremely impossible to avoid Lisa, 'cause she obsessed with you. It means she's stuck with you. As of now, she's staying with you forever. And you got to remember the way you feel about her.


 * Brad Pitt: Actually, Ryan, that's all I remember. And I have no-- [Lisa starts playing her saxophone; they see Lisa playing it and they gasp in amazement]


 * Ryan: Dude, no wonder this girl is so good at playing that saxamathingy.


 * Brad Pitt: [under his breath; to Ryan] It's a saxophone, damn it. [to Lisa] Hey, [Lisa stops playing her saxophone and looks at Brad as he starts talking to her] where in the blue blazes did you get that?


 * Lisa Simpson: Oh, this? Yeah, this is a saxophone. I play it all the time. [flashback to Lisa as a little kid in the episode from Season 9, Lisa's Sax] Ever since I was little, I've bought this for a very long time... [Lisa, as a little kid, plays her saxophone] and I started playing it... [flashback to Lisa jamming with her jazzman, Bleeding Gums Murphy, in the episode from Season 6,  'Round Springfield] and I was an incredibly charismatic saxophone-playing master... [flashback ends] and that music... [sighs; dreamily] It makes me fall in love with it. I wish I would've had a jazzman. [Brad stares blankly for a moment while Ryan, Louis and Adam have confused looks on their faces; Brad facepalms]


 * Brad Pitt: That's all I needed to know.


 * Ryan: [walks over to Lisa] Okay, okay, let me examine you for a bit. [starts examining Lisa] Hmm... Sleek yet shiny saxophone... [he rubs Lisa's hair] Blonde, spiky starfish hair... [Lisa hands Brad her saxophone when Ryan starts to examine her dress] Short red dress. [he lifts her dress up and, under her dress, her underwear is revealed for a second] Matching red shoes... Brad, who's this little devil?


 * Brad Pitt: That, my friends, is Lisa Simpson. She came from The Simpsons universe, and now she's in our world, still looking good.


 * Lisa Simpson: Yep, he's right. [points to herself with her thumb] That's me!


 * Lisa Simpson: Well, then... Toodle-oo! [she giggles as they both walk off]


 * Brad Pitt: Hey, don't be so silly!


 * Louis: Lisa Simpson... with Brad Pitt? Now there's the couple! [Ryan interrupts]


 * Ryan: Yeah, yeah, I get it. A couple is always a couple, okay? Sheesh! [walks offscreen]


 * Louis: [to Adam] What'd I say? [Adam shrugs. Camera changes to Brad and Lisa singing along with Kesha's Tik Tok on the radio while Brad is driving]


 * Lisa Simpson: ♪Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up♪ [imitates explosion noise]


 * Brad Pitt: ♪Tonight, I'ma fight, till we see the sunlight♪


 * Brad Pitt and Lisa Simpson: ♪TiK ToK, on the clock, but the party don't stop, no. Woah-oh oh oh, woah-oh oh oh. Don't stop, make it pop, DJ, blow my speakers up, tonight, I'ma fight, till we see the sunlight, TiK ToK, on the clock, but the party don't stop, no. Woah-oh oh oh, woah-oh oh oh.♪ [song ends]


 * Lisa Simpson: [sighs] That was wonderful, wasn't it, Brad?


 * Brad Pitt: Yeah, it was. Hey, we should write down our #1 thing: sing along while listening to a song on the radio. How does that sound?


 * Lisa Simpson: Um, I'm not going to lie... but that sounds amazing.


 * Brad Pitt: [sighs; thinking] Well, Brad, you've outdone yourself this time. There is no way of leaving Lisa behind. She's extremely obsessed with me. This is gonna be spectacular.


 * Lisa Simpson: [she gets carsick and her face turns green] Brad, I'm feeling nauseous.


 * Brad Pitt: [speaking] Oh, come on, Lisa, [looks at Lisa, who is sick] it's just-- [notices Lisa has gotten carsick] Lisa? You don't feel so good.


 * Lisa Simpson: [her stomach growls as the sickness rumbles] Stop the car. I-I'm gonna be sick. [starts to puke; Brad stops the car; Lisa gets out of the car and throws up]


 * Lisa Simpson: [sad music starts playing as Lisa starts sobbing. Brad stops, looks at Lisa and makes a very confused look on his face] No, you don't understand. [sniffles; she walks up to Brad] We had tons of fun when I first met you in your world, and [sniffles again] you decided to break my heart. How could you do that to me?


 * Brad Pitt: Well, I-I-I didn't really know we were friends.


 * Lisa Simpson: Then I guess we won't be friends. Never. [walks away saddened]


 * Brad Pitt: Lisa? [Lisa ignores Brad]


 * Brad Pitt: Oh, no. What have I done? This is why I'm such an idiot. That is just unfortunate. I guess I should apologize to her later. Oh, Lisa...


 * Ryan: [offscreen] Brad?


 * Brad Pitt: [exclaims in alarm and uses both hands for finger guns] Huh? What the--? Who's there? [looks at Ryan, Louis and Adam] Oh-ho, it's you guys again. I though you were criminals.


 * Ryan: No, we're not criminals, but-- [notices Lisa is not next to Brad] Where's Lisa?


 * Brad Pitt: Well, uh-- She's, er-- [clears throat] She's-- [Ryan interrupts]


 * Ryan: Yeah, that's what I thought. [Brad facepalms]


 * Brad Pitt: I knew you were gonna say that. Now if you excuse me, I better go talk to her. ¡Buena suerte, muchachos! [laughs as he walks off] Oh, who was I kidding?


 * Louis: Sounds like he just divorced her. [Ryan slaps him]


 * Ryan: [annoyed] Dude, will you ever shut up? Geez. [both him and Louis walk offscreen, while Adam is still standing there while on his phone, which is an iPhone 3GS. He then rushes up to Ryan and Louis offscreen. Camera changes to Flame Steakhouse & Wine Bar, then the interior of it, while Float On is heard playing]


 * Lisa Simpson: Okay, stand aside. Stand aside, everybody. [the crowd moves aside] There is going to be some ruthless butt-kicking [to Ruben] for you, you nasty, old, loathsome prune! [the crowd gasps]


 * Ruben Bertrando Schwietzer: Yeah? Well, there's gonna be some unstoppable clobbering for you, you... you-- You...smart little chick!


 * Lisa Simpson: That's what I like to hear.


 * [the crowd murmurs. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly begins playing in the background as Ruben and Lisa glare at each other, while the camera alternates from Ruben to Lisa. Lisa crunches her knuckles and growls, while Ruben does the same thing as Lisa. Brad is concerned. A woman takes her phone and snaps a picture of Ruben and Lisa facing off against each other]


 * Brad Pitt: [walks up to Lisa] Umm, Lisa? A-Are you sure about this?


 * Lisa Simpson: Who cares what anybody thinks? [points at Ruben, who is off-screen] That freak right there is my worst enemy. [Ruben smacks his fists together as the camera shows him] Just go with the flow. [Brad walks off]


 * Ned Flanders: [on the roof of the Simpsons house; to Lisa] Hi-diddly-ho, Lisa!


 * Lisa Simpson: [looks up to see Ned on the roof of the Simpsons house] Ned? What are you doing on our damn roof?


 * Ned Flanders: I'm, uh, spying on your family to see if they come back. You know, they went on a vacation. But, they'll be home soon. [notices the Simpsons family is already here; gasps] Oh, no! They're already here! You better go, quickly!


 * Lisa Simpson: Okay, see you, Ned! [runs inside]


 * Ned Flanders: Bye, Lisa! [tries to get off the roof, but falls off] Whoa! [he falls to the ground, but he is not injured] Oh, well, at least my bones are still intact. [Santa's Little Helper comes over to Ned and barks]


 * Homer Simpson: Why, you little! [tries to strangle Bart, but his hands are slapped away by Marge]


 * Marge Simpson: [angrily at Homer] Let me! [her hands are slapped away by Homer]


 * Homer Simpson: No, let me!


 * Marge Simpson: You wait your turn! [the family, except Lisa, starts to fight over Bart]


 * Homer Simpson: I was there first, damn it! [they begin fighting and shouting]


 * Lisa Simpson: [to the viewers] Well, everyone, it has been a great time for me, I'm sure. You see, meeting a real actor in the real world is quite spectacular to you, but it's all about what your eyes would see. Until then... Goodbye! [she waves goodbye to the viewers. Camera cuts to outside the Simpsons house, then pans out to the town of Springfield. Then, the title reads "The End". Camera fades out to black]


 * [the credits start rolling as The Way You Say, Fresh and Beautiful and Jazzman begin playing]