Brad & Lisa/transcript


 * [movie starts with the 2011 20th Century Fox logo]


 * [Lisa's alarm clock goes off. She wakes up, turns it off and gets out of the covers]


 * Lisa Simpson: Good morning, Springfield! [walks up to her window and opens it, then smells the air] Ah! There is nothing like refreshing air this morning.


 * Marge Simpson: [calling out to Lisa from downstairs] Lisa, breakfast!


 * Lisa: Ugh. Okay, Mom!


 * [cut to the family having breakfast. Lisa runs into the kitchen and sits]


 * Marge: I made pancakes for you, Lisa. I added it with syrup and butter on top of it.


 * Homer Simpson: Mmm... pancakes.


 * Marge: No, they're not for you, Homer. They're for Lisa.


 * Homer: D'oh!


 * Marge: [sets the plate down on the table] I hope you like it.


 * Homer: There's one thing I wanted to tell you.


 * Lisa: What is it?


 * Homer: You can stay here for about a day, because we're going on a vacation to Hawaii!


 * Marge: That's right, sweetheart! A vacation to Hawaii!


 * Lisa: Hawaii?


 * Homer: Uh... Hawaii is, uh... um... Uh... I don't know.


 * Lisa: [facepalms] Oh, don't you get it, Dad? Hawaii is a state of the United States located outside North America, and is the only island state in the country. The largest city is Honolulu, located in the island of Oʻahu, the third-largest of the Hawaiian Islands, nicknamed "The Gathering Place".


 * Marge: She's right, Homie.


 * Homer: Oh, I see.


 * Marge: What time is it, anyway?


 * Homer: Erm... [shrugs] I don't know.


 * Marge: Oh, for God's sakes, Homer, haven't you checked your watch to see what time it is?


 * Homer: [checks his watch and screams] It's nine o'clock! That means we'll miss our flight to Hawaii! We've gotta hurry otherwise we'll fail to reach our plane!


 * Homer: So... How about a little pop music for us? [turns the radio on and Smash Mouth's Can't Get Enough of You Baby starts to play] Ooh! Smash Mouth! [to Marge] I was once a fan of Smash Mouth, you know. [Marge groans. Then her phone rings and then answers it]


 * Marge: Hello?


 * Mr. Burns: [from phone] Mrs. Simpson, is your husband going to work yet?


 * Marge: Oh! Mr. Burns. [chuckles] Sorry, but we're off on vacation.


 * Mr. Burns: [exclaims in shock] A v-v-vacation?!


 * Marge: That's right. A vacation to Hawaii! And you know what a vacation is?


 * Mr. Burns: Well, then what does the term "vacation" mean?


 * Marge: It means a long period of leisure, where one is spent away from home or in traveling!


 * Homer: Here, let me have the phone, Marge. [Marge gives him the phone and Homer answers it] Hello? Homer Simpson speaking.


 * Mr. Burns: [from phone] Simpson, you were supposed to go to work today, remember? And you're off on vacation?!


 * Homer: Oh, don't be silly. A vacation is, um... What was it again? I was deaf for a second. [Marge whispers into his ear] It means you are an old loser who takes a vacation up your ass! [laughs. Mr. Burns hangs up]


 * Mr. Burns: Smithers, I've been shamed! That Homer is supposed to work here today, and he and his family are off on vacation!


 * Smithers: I seriously have no idea with the word "vacation" means.


 * Mr. Burns: Nonsense, Smithers. You know what Homer is? He's nothing but a fat, lazy, ignorant loser!


 * Smithers: [thinking] I'll just pretend this thing is trying to come between me and Mr. Burns.


 * [cut back to the Simpsons house]


 * Lisa: Well, I guess Dad was right. Now that my family is off on vacation, Lisa Simpson gets to do all the things by herself! Hit it, Snowball! [Snowball V turns on the radio with her paw and Berlin's Lost in the Crowd begins playing. Snowball V meows afterwards]


 * [all of a sudden, a vortex appears outside, high above the backyard of the Simpsons house. Lisa gasps. Cut to Moe's Tavern, then the interior of it, where Barney, Lenny and Carl are drinking beer. Moe enters the scene]


 * Moe Szyslak: You all want a refill?


 * All (Barney, Lenny and Carl): Yeah! [Barney burps]


 * Moe: Gotcha. But, don't mention it, because that won't be worth extra mugs. [Comic Book Guy bursts in]


 * Comic Book Guy: Guys! [they all stare at Comic Book Guy with confused expressions on their faces] I got something bad for you all.


 * Moe: A tornado?


 * Carl Carlson: A hurricane?


 * Lenny Leonard: An earthquake?


 * Barney Gumble: A rainbow? [burps]


 * Comic Book Guy: No! It's a vortex!


 * All (Moe, Barney, Lenny and Carl): A vortex?


 * Comic Book Guy: Yes! Come on! Out! You gotta see this! [he, Moe and the barflies come out of the bar to see the vortex]


 * Lenny: You're right. I knew I should've moved to New York City.


 * Barney: More beer for me! [they all stare at Barney] What? [burps. Cut back to the backyard of the Simpsons house]


 * Lisa: Oh, God, stop this crazy thing! [screams. Hangs onto the grass just before she gets sucked in. Santa's Little Helper comes out of the Simpsons house and stares at Lisa] No! Don't leave me here! Don't! [Santa's Little Helper walks back in. The piece of the grass then snaps, sending Lisa into the vortex] Noooooooo! [the vortex closes]


 * Homer: [Bart sneaks up to him, then slowly takes the sunglasses off his face] Huh? Bart! [as Homer tries to grab the glasses out of Bart's hands, Bart pulls them away] Those are my glasses! Give those back! [Bart throws the glasses away] No! [the glasses immerse in the ocean. Bart laughs] Why, you little! [strangles Bart] I'll teach you how to ruin my glasses!


 * Marge: Homer, will you ever stop that?


 * Homer: It was Bart's fault, not mine.


 * [suddenly, there is a knock at the door, which startles Brad]


 * Brad: [to Lisa] Sorry, that knocking startles me every time. [as Brad gets up, he walks to the door] I hope it's not one of those knock-knock jokes again. [opens his door] If it is, I'd... [notices someone off-screen. Camera reveals a pretty woman through his glass door as James Taylor's "How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved by You)" plays in the background. Brad then opens the glass door]


 * Lisa: Lisa Simpson at your service!


 * Lisa: [scratching her butt while grunting]


 * Brad: Lisa? You're feeling a little itchy today, aren't you?


 * Lisa: Sorry. My underwear itches almost every time.


 * Linda: [clears throat] Anyway... I'm gonna ask you three questions.


 * Lisa: Ooh! I love questions!


 * Linda: Oh, so do I. Question #1: what town do you live in?


 * Lisa: Um... Oh! I live in Springfield, near Shelbyville. You know, the fictional town in my world. Brad lives in Springfield, too. But he's from another state.


 * Linda: Okay, what state?


 * Lisa: [whispers into Linda's ear] He's from Missouri.


 * Linda: Oh, yeah. Good guess, Simpson.


 * Lisa: That better be Linda. 'Cause if not, I'm gonna have it find out. [opens door to reveal Kurt with his Glock 22 in his hand]


 * Kurt: Hello, Lisa. [Lisa screams and runs to Brad's bedroom. Kurt is confused]


 * Lisa: Brad! Brad, wake up! [Brad wakes up]


 * Brad: [waking up] Wha--? Huh? Oh, morning, Lisa. When did you wake up...


 * Lisa: Shh! Listen to me. I saw someone at our door. Someone who is hunting me with a pistol in hand, and he's at our door! [Brad gets out of the covers]


 * Brad: Don't worry, Lisa. I've got you covered, so nothing bad is gonna happen to you. [Brad gets up] I promise.


 * Lisa: Thanks, Brad. [cut to Kurt standing at Brad's door waiting for Lisa]


 * [the credits begin rolling as I've Always Got You, From Here to Springfield and Moanin' Lisa Blues play]